Thursday, January 5

I me Myself and a dozen accidents

hmmm , let me admit it , I had a direct taxes class today, but bunked it for I felt too sleepy to even turn the alarm in the mobile off. I just put my teddy on it to dull the sound and turned over and slept .

Now before you go "teddy???????" lemme tell you, YEAH ! a teddy bear , I still cant sleep if it is not with my teddy (which is named teddy-duddy-buddy , dont ask me why, but thats its name **shrugs**), every night the teddy has to get crushed for me to enjoy a deep sleep :P I'll tell you the advantages of a teddy in the bed.. but that later. Now it is just this post.

Got up very liesurely at 9 and took a loooooonnnngggg bath ! most women drown in the sensous smells of Lux body wash, I drown in the smells of Dettol, Colgate and Baby soap .. yeah yeah , stop rolling eyes there, I still use them **sighs**life's good.

I was reminded of my resolution to act like a gurrrlllll in a blinding flash of enlightenment, decided I'll begin by looking like one.

I begin by wearing my high heeled sandals and then
I take an appointment with the beautician to get my eyebrows plucked and go there and wait taking in the sights and smells of the beauty parlour (i feel so much like a martian on pluto in there jeeezzzz) there is girl who goes
"Dont you think my eyelashes should be more curly", the beautician goes on about "eyelash thickness and colour"
I feel Ive stepped into a zoology lab where they are deciding as to why rabbits do wat they are adept at doing !

Another woman with war paint on asks the beautician ... "Are you sure the skin will glow after this?"

I feel like replyin, "why dont you use some floroscent colour , no matter what you WILL glow"

I see another girl barely out of school gettimg her eyebrows plucked ... I see the intruments of torture and get cold feet , but then , yet .. Ive made a resolution, havent I?
I sit through the ordeal of watching the torture, a Dr Evil comes up and sweetly asks me .. "you just want the eyebrows done or would you go in for a full body waxing?" this is the last straw ... I say "I seem to have forgotten my purse outside " and flee for dear life !

I decide that if the hair is there, it is because God wanted it to be there ! Imagine a waxed bear?? No , God has made things the way they have to be.

I stumble out in my high heeled sandals, cursing the guy who made high heels essential for women ! damn I was so happy in my stinking shoes !

Now for another resloution , by now my head is aching and I want to have a cup of tea, but today being a day of "upvaas/vrath" I m not supposed to have any food.
What will God do if I eat today? will he rid me of my body hair? seems like a good exchange :p

I drive towards the CA insti, to get the long due books (yeah , Ive never bothered to pick up the CA material !!! lols , seen a better student than me ?)
The guy looks at me as though i was some kind of an alien intruder on the sanctum of his book store , and goes
"wat ammmaaa , dont waant to studyaaa? axam in 4 monthsu and you is coming nowaaaa?"

I sheepishly say " sorry " by now a hazaar people are looking at me as though Im a heretic an atheist in a temple ... I manage a dry throated " you see I met with an accident , I took so long to recuperate" , my knowledge of vocab going waste on him ,
he just shrugged and" i daant know , you peoplu always have some are the aather excuse aalwaaysu , noo? neevu CA yaake odteera?" (the last part meaning - y do u ppl study CA at all?)
and demanded a document from me .. I showed him the original after moments of frantic searching for the paper in my bag, which again provoked him to go "comsectics ella iddare .. howill you find the paper maaa? keep only booksu, that way you can find aal the papersu"
he asks for the xerox which I dont have .. I sheepishly grin and ask him for the xerox machine and waves a hand towards the general direction of the sewers there .. I walk out and ask another guy who informs me that the photocopy shop is available "just nearby" this "just nearby" almost happens to be near my cousin's place which is like atleast a couple of kilometers away ... walking on my high heeled in the hot sun on an uneven road prooves harder than the crusty demons doing stunts on their bikes. I finally suceed in getting back and wave the xerox under his nose to which he just points to another desk.
The same scene is re enacted , at the end of which Im pointed to another room , the same scene again, now im shown to another room , which happens to be another book store. I show the papers and the lady , who could be bothered less .. goes , "take two bundles , one from 1st group, one from the other group , now leave" as though im an irritaiting insect in her eye.
I struggle back with the books , try to thrust all of them into my bag and end up dropping the filled bag on my toes and curse loudly , by now the first book store guy is convinced Im a terrorist and shoos me out , he doesnt even give me the time to "unpark" my vehicle and leave ... I stand next to the general area of the slum there , inhale all the sights, smells and sounds of feaces and other stuff , thank my lucky stars that I use dettol and not Lux body wash...stuff some books into the bag, some into my two wheeler's boot, 2 books are left out , they simply dont have any place to fit into , now , one goes into the folds of my jacket .. im sweating profusely now and im sure the book hates me for putting it there, the other goes on the floor of the two wheeler and my legs on it , NOW this book is finding out ways to keep its information from me and make my fail in the exam......
I drive with a splitting migrane and miraculously reach office looking like a cartoon charecter ... a bulged abdomen ( the book is there) , the boot half open and me driving half standing ( the boot wouldnt close after all the books went in) the bag is so heavy that Im literally bending over ... the traffic ploice looking at me suspiciously , me giving him a pathetic apologising grin ...

Lots of work at office , get myself medicines for the throat infection and the headache .. start working !


br!j :-) said...

ek kam kar apni bua ki maan shadi kar lai, sab thik ho jayega :D

arpana said...

@brij.. tu mere troubles ko aur kyon badhana chahta hain re ! main zinda hoon to tumse dekha nahin jaata?

Kaala Kavva said...

funny sight it would've been!
sorry for laafin..

waise meri life mein bhi kuch aisee hee fight chal rahi hai.. dimaag kharaab ho gaya hai... haye yeh collez!

Samyak said...

I second Brij !!
All ur tensions will be taken care by ur would-be [:P]
So, kab mil raha hai humen shaadi ka invitation? [:P][:D]

Abhi said...

hai hai kitni darawani post hain.teri post paddkar aadhi duniya suicide karr le.tu insaan hai ya mazdoor.saari world over se kaam chalkar teri jholi mein hee aye hain :p

and nice profile pic.i always thot u had big eyes:p

ash kar .sush kar.

arpana said...

@ Sam .. saale kameene ! agar itni jaldi hain to khud shaadi kar le! poori duniya mere hi shaadi ke peeche kyon padi hain yaar? aur ye tere K*** post se better hain naa :p

@Ze Ex ... har kisi ki life kisi na kisi tarah screwed up hain , meri thodi zyaada hain bas ! :(

@Abhinav .. arre ye profile pic Dee Dee ki hain, which now has become like a trade mark.. :)
aur kaam ki baat kar rahe ho? Ive just interviewed for a position and am keeping my fingers crossed for it **prays**

The Bhandari's said...

:D funny indeed me still imagining waxed bear....

arpana said...

@bhandari's ... I tried to imagine it too , cant stop laughing everytime I conjure up that image :p