Monday, January 14

my thoughts

walked up to buy a new diary; after a lot of thought and asking the guy to crawl into nooks and crammys and picking up the "right" kind of diary; realised; really did not want to. DD has been with me for nine years now. cannot think of replacing DD. so does that mean; when the couple of pages left over are filled in there will be nothing else? right now; not sure, dont know.
right now, need to just write in DD; but scared, that precious paper will be used up for rambling.

the classes at the iimb are coming to an end; feb 9th will be the last class. feel sad about it. very sad. the course began at a time when there was nothing else to look forward to; during the year; there were times when the only reason the week would pulled through was for the classes in the weekend. the mad frenzy to complete assignments in the middle of umpteen other things will sorely be missed.the course and the insti have instilled ... lets say a new zest for life; a new dimension to it.. sigh.

in an extremely cranky mood today; legs hurt like ..ouch! they hurt, thats all. mood swing time now. the stomach hurts too.. so does the back and the waist; aah, not one living cell in the body that doesnt. the esophagus has decided to run in reverse gear; all the digestive juices come up; instead of the food going in;
every small and insignificant thing will look like mt everest the next few days. every time one doesnt smile wide enough, it will mean resentment and artificiality, everytime my fone isnt picked up; it will mean hate and negligence ... the next few days will go slow, very very s..l..o..w..; pms is an expert in making a woman a scheming bitch.

come to think of it, why do men treat women like some parasite or something? every independent self respecting woman who stands straight and calls an ace an ace is from the andromeda galaxy; and every female who snivells and sniffles and cries out loud and faints at the drop of a hat is a fine example of the "weaker sex" and men shall rush out to protect the 'lady'. a "woman" has to cry and make her emotions known; she has to find the shoulder of a man to run to ... sigh. its going to take another trip round the universe to transform this one into a lady.
damn, got milk on my hair, will need to clean it up now. shit!

look up and see the morning sun, bright red and warm
look out in the garden, and see the flowers and the bees swarm
and, then , as I read a book, half asleep, and the wind rustles the pages
the sun, the book, the wind , the bees, the moment, all of them, sweet images
I wish, I could, send them all to you, untouched and pure

curl up in the night, the teddy company
toss and turn; held in throes of a nightmare
blood and gore, death and disease play the symphony
the toy, the sleep, the dream, the nightmare, all of them, unspoken fears
I wish, I could, my head on your shoulder, with you share

alone and quiet, comptemplating and musing
hearing my heart beat, thinking of you, falling in love
the muse, the love, the solitude, all of them belong to you
I wish, I could, in a moment of silence, tell you all
of how much I love you

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