Thursday, June 30

Here's What I am

as per a friend....

Below is an edited mail sent to me by my friend ( I dont think she would like being named ! ) , edited because my friend is a great user of words which in normal life may sound offensive :p
Yeah , One more note , the below snap is courtsey another friend , out it here to add more zing to the sarcasm, love , hate , admiration, degradation shown by my Friend.

Dear Arpz,

I know not why you chose to delete my testimonial from your orkut account ... whatever be the reason , Im sure it was a flimsy excuse for being an idiot. Not that you actually need an excuse be one.
This foreword of sorts has been written actually after the end of this scathing letter, as this letter actually began as another evil wicked testimonial but ended up being a long evil wicked letter instead , since my main intentions were to show you how low you are in life ... i think ive achieved it by just clicking the send button on my Yahoo mail account.

Arpana actually is not the usual "girl next door" you would find in the normal world. If ever a banishee , witch or something equally horrid could ever live next doors , it is her !
She is not the shy and lovely person you would expect a 21 year old female to be .. She is the most talkative , outspoken person , also a dominating personality who expects everyone should see the world through the very same glasses that she sees it.

A constant pessimist she defys all laws of the world to be one. She is the kind of pessimist who would expect the sun to fall on the earth any moment , for her as she puts it herself " Either the glass is half empty , or the glass is half broken".

Her dreary outlook of the world makes her a perfect cynic and a person who hates all man kind including herself. The ultimate ode to this cynic would be the very fact that she hates herself from the bottom of her heart. Imagine this , she doesnt buy a good dress because she thinks the dress deserves better !

She talks about spirituality and social service and the cause of the mankind all in the same breath as the importance of being selfish and the advantages of being a cynic. She will scorn a person just because he/she probably did not wish her and hold a grudge against them for the rest of her life , but will accept and forgive a person who has probably shattered her heart, all in the same day ! She will hate man kind , but at the same time believe strongly in what one of her favorite saints said ... ( is it Ramakrishna Arps whose statement about pros*******s you keep repeating ... Even she can be a goddess ... respect every man and treat him as God , that is the pathway to realise the Almighty?)

Sometimes I think her expectations from humans is so high that it is apt that those hopes are crashed , shich leave a more of a non believer than she was! She does not believe in religions ... She will accept Islam , Hinduism , Christianity , Zorastrism etc etc in the same vein .... but is over zealous about some rites and rituals she has been following , she comes up with bizzare explanations and terms to explain this eccentricity of hers. She will call religion as personal , God as "Her" God and will maintain that every person has a personal religion and a personal God .. but will also argue that all religions are one and God is but One !

She loves to argue this girl , yes she does. She will rake up a fight with anyone and everyone , the most meekest of animals even will have had atleast one fight with her ! Give her a simple general truth of life and she will argue endlessly against her , she just has to argue and contradict the other person , even if the other person is quoting her ! Her most favourite in picking a fight is herself , she will take up a subject where she is either strong / weak and sit trying to make a theory why that trait is not as it looks.

She is love with her voice , she loves to talk , non sense , sense , nuisance makes no difference , she loves to talk , she will talk to others , she will talk to herself , to inanimate objects , to imaginary people , to dead people , to Her God ... everything. She rambles on and on , you may actually begin with topic A , end with Topic A , but will have travelled the whole solar system in her talk before you actually end it up.
For a cynic , it is a definete paradox to love to talk to people ! But then , she is a bundle of paradoxes , If ever there was a mischevious Pandaora , it is her ... she is the one who has definetly opened the box , in the process letting herself out , sadly , for this Pandolly there is no Hope in the end of the box.

She loves challenges , that is her foremost weak points , tell her that something is not possible , she will take it as a personal affront and achieve it to proove it . There was this episode where our Costing lecturer was teaching a particularly difficlut subject , no one among the 400 odd students were able to grasp it , all of us stuttering to cope with the topic ... when the lecturer made a comment that sounded something like all you students are good for nothing , or something in the same vein and left the class midway, the next day , she was the only person answering in the class, when the others were glaring at her ... she then dared to tell the lecturer that not all are dumbheads ... that was her way of giving back.

This lady is the most evil and cunning girl Ive seen , cross her path and she will niether forgive , nor forget ... few people have faced her wrath and come out unscathed. She has these strict divides of what is acceptable and what is under the belt , but when she is angry or hurt ... heavens help that poor thing on whom she unleashes her terror ... she will slap you on your face , on physically but in a manner that leaves you smarting for a long long time !
Another paradox of this lady is that when she can exact a very cruel revenge and not let it rest on her soul , she is also the most sensitive and caring persons Ive ever seen ... she empathises with every suffering she sees , and tried to rid it .. she can never bear to see anyone crying , if she does , you can be sure she has begun to cry too ! How a vindictive cynic can be so , is surely out of my bounds of understanding.

Her practicality will put anyone out of business , if an end has to be achieved , it has to be , no matter what and no matter how , if you have to live with a suffering , a death of a loved one , a brak of the heart , a estrangement of a beloved one , so be it , you have to live so ... that is her extent of pragmatism ... which almost borders on cruelty , but then eventually all us emotionally challenged idiots do understand that she was right from the beginning, maybe that explains her contentness with life .. in her own words "It is what it is , change it , if it cant , change your way of looking at it and live it " A stickler for values and rules , she bends them in most possible ways , not always for personal gain though .

Then yet , you havent seen her other face , Dolly is an extremely sensitive and emotional person , she will get hurt over extremly trivial issues , cry over it for the whole night , all the while keeping a straight face in front of the offender, her laugh and her sense of humor ( which she loves to call comedy) are her aides who help to achieve it . Anger is her most prominent emotion , though she can control her facial features , her eyes become storms of anger ... and when they do , Im sure even God must tremble in his knees. Her sorrow also very much evident only in the eyes. More often than not the bags under her eyes and the water in them talk of unspoken sorrows ( she only knows whether those are for real or imagined) but whatever they are , she has her set of demons and Im happy for that ... atleast someone wrings her comscience like no one else !

D***y , this is just some of my feelings put into words , lots more to say , but then , why am I wasting my time over you ... you who has always dominated me , you who have always asserted yourself when I should speak , you whom Ive hated because you have said all that you wanted to , when i was in the wings thinking of their social, moral and eithical ramifications ,
but then, you are the same you who has always held my hand , wiped my tear, loved me , held me dear , fought for me , pined for me and have been my best friend for ever and ever... you dont deserve hate , yet again , you dont deserve love ... I guess you deserve another you , but then has God ever repeated his line of production?
on that note , let me tell you .. no matter what , we are here and we are a part of each other's life whether we like it or not !

Yours always,

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