Let no lawyer ever convince you that a rape victim ever asked for it. Never let anyone tell you that the victim dressed provocatively. I never put in words the contempous laugh I can feel gurgling out of my innards .... for since when did the homeless start dressing provocatively !!!
Let no rapist ever tell you an excuse of being drunk.... no amount of explitives can explain the amount of digust the victim goes through being raped ... drunk or not !!!
I felt his hands hold mine to steady themselves. I felt a twang of pity towards this man who had dropped a note in my grubby hands .... little did I know this would later be replaced by revenge !
He stood and I could feel his drunk stale breath on mine ... he stood swaying ... his hand groping any part of my body he could find to hold on as a support to keep standing. I do not when his stability became his insanity and when his support became his prey. Do not shy away from what I say , this is a truth of life ... do not shut away your ears when I cry myself hoarse calling for help, do not close your eyes whn you see my tattered rags come to pieces under this monster's hands ... Do not talk of morality when you can see two nude bodies one on top of the other. Do not become clinical when you see one bleeding and swollen under the harsh slaps of the other .... my garnled hands had long fingernails that dug deep into his body in any place I could find ... it never seemed to deter him, only seemed to increase his satisfaction , my resistance was to be broken by the steel in his belt which he flung across my nakedness again and again causing red harsh bruises.No No ..... Never let anyone make you think the memory of rape can fade away. I am an old woman today, I know what happened 25 years ago as if it happened today and as if it happens now.I am sure, you cannot like the rest picturise the scene of a homeless in distress, it never even gets reported , I like a fool walked up to the police station to complain .... what do you think I got in return? A repeat performance after being robbed of what little money I had. What else do you think a woman can get? What else do you think a homeless beggar can get? Yes.... she can get one more thing ..... I got that too
Wandering for months together , one day my bloated belly broke to throw down a extrmely sickly measly idiot of a child. Thankfully for me this shameful episode happened in a temple I was staying and begging ....the priest who also had an active role in running of an orphanage offered to take the child and me ..... I threw my head back and laughed ... it was a laugh of having no humor ... "this child is not mine, this is filth and I shall carry it and use it as filth. I want my revenge."I carried this idiot child along begging along him , I was surprised to see that I got more money when I begged with the child along. However, there came a time when I could no longer walk, the travails of motherhood had taken its toll ..... a 17 year old with a child on the streets ....
I went back to the priest ..... He talked of forgiveness, he could afford to , he had not gone through what I had. 1 night of liveing hell and 9 months to remind me painfully of the hell over and over again.
One day , I saw this couple walk into the orphanage. Very clearly the man's heart was not set on adopting a child. The woman was overjoyed to see so many children.
I knew, my time had come. This man, the priest told had met with an accident , he was sterile .... so the jackal is sterile ....