Thoughts

Thoughts are like mosquitoes in a tropical forest, they never leave you, buzz irritatingly near your ear, bite you at embarrasing places, give you warts and fevers and what not !

Wasnt it a thought that led Einstien to give us among several other things, the light bulb?
Wasnt it a thought that led Vivekananda ( did you know Ramakrsna tried to name him Kamalaksha once?) to Ramakrishna and later on to deliver the thousands of people?
Wasnt it a thought that the danseuse in the Rajah's palace enlighten Vivekananda of the equality of humanity?
Wasnt it a thought that led Hitler lead the world's largest and worst unjustified Massacre in the human history?
Wanst it a thought that haunted Alexander ?

Why then are we asked to suspend our thinking?
I accept not every one who I listed out thought humanely, but are we less than any of those figures in History who led massacres?

We do not look twice at the old beggar barely wider than a sheet of paper begging us for a rupee, yet do not think twice before spending a thousand bucks on a skmipy bikni that clads us lesser than what the beggar's rag clad him.

We haggle with these hawkers for a rupee or two, would never think of doing so if we went to an Allen Solly. Why?

Why are getting dengenerated into a lot who can think nothing except about themselves?
A child comes and presses her nose to the car, asking you to buy a baloon at the traffic signal and you are more worried about the stain that she will leave on your car window? Why, cant we be human any more? Who have we become? What have we become?
We are human no more, we do not have emotions any longer. Universal Love means two timing to us. NGOs mean tax planning to us, Education means a means of earning more and more.
What happened to good old goodness? Symoathy? Empathy? these words are being insulted now.
No I havent read Karl Marx, I havent gotten myself coverted into a communist. No.
For I am not eligible to be one. I KNOW , MY EDUCATION has taught me that poverty is an essential in any country, else how could you measure richness?
Damning conditions can never be eradicated, not even in a socialist society, you are still divided by class there.

I see a cobbler, left with no money to buy another roll of thread, he seems a little mentally challenged as well, I offer him money, something otherwise I would have tipped the wiater in the resturant, he refuses, the people around snigger, say he's mad, he doesnt know money's worth, beggars around him ask for money.
I look at him again, he refuses, this time he sees straight into my eyes and refuses the money.He lifts his hands, in a gesture that said more than a slap on the face , it tells me that he can earn with his hands, he doesnt need mine. Tears rush down my face but I fight it , the signal's changed to Green , time to go, time to forget. Why have I become so evil? Why cant I see the suffering of others? Why do I not have anything more than just hypocrisy? Why cant I break these chains of bondage that I have wrought on myself, the chains of ambition, the chains of success, the chains of desire? Why though I, being a part of the society turn a blind eye to the pain of others?
My Boyfriend ( though past, I dont like to refer him that way , many a time) once remarked, if you need to live in this world, you must not be human, even an ounce of huanity in you can kill you, kill you by just the sights of pain and suffering that you see, kill by just making you aware of your selfishness and if you try to break free, your helplessness, may be thats why he went far away from all this into the Ramakrishna Ashram, wher he could live in equiality.
I though am still left with questions, ironical, self demeaning, self destructing thoughts .... but then , now a colleague tells me that its time for lunch.
So Ok Arpana , Misery times up. Okay , leave misery ahead like you clse your books after one class and become a professional like opening a new chapter. Go Arpana , Go have lunch, and then go for a meeting, talk about how you can help the rich become richer and get a fat bonus, buy yourslef that car you always wanted. Go Arpana Go.