Sunday, September 17

Inner Thoughts

hmmm ,

People who know me .. ( "know"? know as in office or the recent N friends keep making over the net ) would know me as a practical , no nonsense , bitchy, nose high in the air , bookworm with a sad sense of humor .. ( i can crack jokes at the worst situations , THE WORST YOUVE FACED - and voila , I'll have a PJ there , according to me , a bout of distraction tends to put things back into perspective with lesser tension and "Im-gonna-kill-the-bastard-responsible-for-this" attitude) , also people would say, Im an imaginative and a "living-in-the-past" kind of a person ... give me a situation in the drab black-white and grey , I shall add several colours to it , or maybe just darken these drab colours until they stop being drab ... and last but not the least , a "fat-desperatly-trying-to-become-thin-but-not-suceeding-not-caring-2-hoots-about-it" person

In fact , ive been playing this part to perfection that I had convinced myself that this is what I am.
I was reading a totally unconnected post in an unconnected blog and i suddenly , with a start realised the dormant inner urge in me.

I have forever had serious thoughts that I havent been doing enough for my country , I hate to see these poor people living wretched lives in their slums , children , who havent known a meal that fills the stomach, a word that soothes their being , this is my country and my country is increasingly inhabited by hungry , illiterate, scrawny, empty-bellied , anti social children. It wrings my heart to see these kids beg outside in the road when I sit in my company provided AC car , I hate to see kids selling towels and trinkets at crossroads .. I end up buying stuff I dont need and things that I'll never use because i want to give them money.

Money , so simple a word for me , money , something that never staisfies me , the more I have it , the more I want it , I never seem to have enough of it at all ...

Well, but , as is my usual case Im digressing , rambling , writing ugly stuff that I shouldnt be , next I shall be abusing all those people who have settled abroad , having studied in India at subsidised rates ... subsidised? I hear you ask ? yes! subsidised , at IIMs & the IITs the country's greatest brains teach you a subsidised rates , at Government colleges , the deteriorating campus is an indication of subsidised education , the midnight oil you burnt was subsidised , the CA that Im doing is subsidised , every time someone asks me , Why arent you going abroad , dont you have a better future there? I feel like wringing the bastard's neck , Its my country , a country where hundred's of people paid taxes so that I could have affordable education , where the country's balance sheet is forever in deficit that I can have affordable fuel and food !
but , yet again , ramble , ramble , ramble ... the true intention of my post here is not to make enemies of my friends living abroad , not to proove to the world that more than 40% of my population lives below the poverty line and I care 2 hoots about it , and ask for a 47% hike from a foriegn MNC when I decide to change jobs ... not this post isnt about us , its about them

The them who deserve to live like us , the them whose sad eyes pierce every balloon of happiness I have , every time I make a purchase worth several thousands and walk out , there's a hungry kid begging ... this is about them

And the "charity in the blog thats got me going about this , this time.

I have a dream , a dream whenever spokenb out aloud , evokes laughter and disbelief ,
A dream that I had dreamt , and i still do , a dream that requires the commitment that Im yet to build , money that I almost had , and then as they say - "charity begins at home "... I can always say "I made a hundred thousand and lost them to life". man power ... now thats a problem as well ... space etc etc
Every good deed has a thousand obstacles , I do not know how Im going to overcome all of them .. but as the song goes " hum honge kamiyab ek din"

And what exactly is my dream? My dream is to build a school for these kids , a nominal fee , for anything free is oftem misused ( we are Indians yaar) , a vocation , that will help them sustain themselves ... I wish to educate these children of my country , my children in fact ...
These children have every right to live and not exist , these children have every right to dream and shape their future the way they want , I want to help them do what they want , instead of them being forced into doing only what their family's bellies want ...

I have a dream , its my country and i find myself guilty of not doing enough for it , I find myself guilty of not finding ways to stay true to my dream.


shekhar said...

Then again, you don't need to wait for too long to let your dream materialise. Find a good NGO which helps children and then work for them. Even little help on weekends is appreciated greatly, and I speak from experience.

Anshul Seth said...


Noble thoughts first of all. Appreciate it.
The first challenge for ppl like us(and I unwittingly add myself to the coterie) is to find our dream.And the second is to make it happen.
Most ppl end up without even getting aware of the former, the ones who reach till the latter are "The Ones".
Hope u land up being the latter.

N seriously I cud relate with myself to many of ur traits.Never knew such ppl are aplenty.And tht "Im-gonna-kill-the-bastard-responsible-
for-this" was a patent, how come this tagline leaked?