Inner Thoughts

hmmm ,

People who know me .. ( "know"? know as in office or the recent N friends keep making over the net ) would know me as a practical , no nonsense , bitchy, nose high in the air , bookworm with a sad sense of humor .. ( i can crack jokes at the worst situations , THE WORST YOUVE FACED - and voila , I'll have a PJ there , according to me , a bout of distraction tends to put things back into perspective with lesser tension and "Im-gonna-kill-the-bastard-responsible-for-this" attitude) , also people would say, Im an imaginative and a "living-in-the-past" kind of a person ... give me a situation in the drab black-white and grey , I shall add several colours to it , or maybe just darken these drab colours until they stop being drab ... and last but not the least , a "fat-desperatly-trying-to-become-thin-but-not-suceeding-not-caring-2-hoots-about-it" person

In fact , ive been playing this part to perfection that I had convinced myself that this is what I am.
I was reading a totally unconnected post in an unconnected blog and i suddenly , with a start realised the dormant inner urge in me.

I have forever had serious thoughts that I havent been doing enough for my country , I hate to see these poor people living wretched lives in their slums , children , who havent known a meal that fills the stomach, a word that soothes their being , this is my country and my country is increasingly inhabited by hungry , illiterate, scrawny, empty-bellied , anti social children. It wrings my heart to see these kids beg outside in the road when I sit in my company provided AC car , I hate to see kids selling towels and trinkets at crossroads .. I end up buying stuff I dont need and things that I'll never use because i want to give them money.

Money , so simple a word for me , money , something that never staisfies me , the more I have it , the more I want it , I never seem to have enough of it at all ...

Well, but , as is my usual case Im digressing , rambling , writing ugly stuff that I shouldnt be , next I shall be abusing all those people who have settled abroad , having studied in India at subsidised rates ... subsidised? I hear you ask ? yes! subsidised , at IIMs & the IITs the country's greatest brains teach you a subsidised rates , at Government colleges , the deteriorating campus is an indication of subsidised education , the midnight oil you burnt was subsidised , the CA that Im doing is subsidised , every time someone asks me , Why arent you going abroad , dont you have a better future there? I feel like wringing the bastard's neck , Its my country , a country where hundred's of people paid taxes so that I could have affordable education , where the country's balance sheet is forever in deficit that I can have affordable fuel and food !
but , yet again , ramble , ramble , ramble ... the true intention of my post here is not to make enemies of my friends living abroad , not to proove to the world that more than 40% of my population lives below the poverty line and I care 2 hoots about it , and ask for a 47% hike from a foriegn MNC when I decide to change jobs ... not this post isnt about us , its about them

The them who deserve to live like us , the them whose sad eyes pierce every balloon of happiness I have , every time I make a purchase worth several thousands and walk out , there's a hungry kid begging ... this is about them

And the "charity in the blog thats got me going about this , this time.

I have a dream , a dream whenever spokenb out aloud , evokes laughter and disbelief ,
A dream that I had dreamt , and i still do , a dream that requires the commitment that Im yet to build , money that I almost had , and then as they say - "charity begins at home "... I can always say "I made a hundred thousand and lost them to life". man power ... now thats a problem as well ... space etc etc
Every good deed has a thousand obstacles , I do not know how Im going to overcome all of them .. but as the song goes " hum honge kamiyab ek din"

And what exactly is my dream? My dream is to build a school for these kids , a nominal fee , for anything free is oftem misused ( we are Indians yaar) , a vocation , that will help them sustain themselves ... I wish to educate these children of my country , my children in fact ...
These children have every right to live and not exist , these children have every right to dream and shape their future the way they want , I want to help them do what they want , instead of them being forced into doing only what their family's bellies want ...

I have a dream , its my country and i find myself guilty of not doing enough for it , I find myself guilty of not finding ways to stay true to my dream.