all of us has more than person within themselves, dont we? the person who sits upright at class - the no nonsense geek is one, the giggly drunk friend is one, the motherly affectionate friend is one, the selfish, destructive, self centered bitch is one, the dutiful daughter, the corporate junkie, I could list on and on.
I wonder, do the lines blur ever? Does the dutiful daughter scream out loud "for fuck's sake" to her family? or does the tom-boy friend ever admit that she likes Notting Hill and has watched it over 15 times already and every single time she watches, she sheds a couple of tears - for relations that are, for relations that were, and for relations that will never be.
I wonder sometimes, why the lines ever dont blur at all - why the calm exterior of "im strong and can take care of life" while the insides churn with so much unsaid pain? Why are the walls so water-tight? Afterall, it IS the same me, isnt it? why is it that "one" person longs to cry out and sob, while the other takes charge of the external world?
Is it a defence mechanism? Is it to "show" that the person is not what she feels? that the dutiful daughter must hold the family's temper, the affectionate friend must not allow the friends to know she is sad lest she ruins their evening, that the tomboy perched on the ledge can never have tears ... I dont know why.
What does the cool dudette achieve by showing off that nothing affects her? What does the dutiful daughter achieve by saying "its okay, nothing's wrong"? What is it that the always childish friend achieves by not saying out loud the pain that she feels? What does the tom boy get, if she cant talk about all that's wrong to her "best-friend"? Whom does she try to decieve? Is the deception intentional? Is it deception at all?
When you play all these roles together, what are you? a puppet? a person? an actor?
Is it because; the realisation exists that be it pain, happiness, anger or disgust, all the emotions are but momentary and unnecessary to existence?
Is it because making each identity porus will lead the eventual death of all the identities? Acceptance of the fact that one likes Notting Hill will lead to the eventual death of the tom-boy, wearing emotions on the sleeve will spell the end of the hard nosed corporate employee? It is the love of each identity in itself that strengthens the abyss between them?
Maybe, may not be.
Anyways, doodling doesnt need a reason.
Di- thy tag shall be done.