Friday, July 11

The Several People

all of us has more than person within themselves, dont we? the person who sits upright at class - the no nonsense geek is one, the giggly drunk friend is one, the motherly affectionate friend is one, the selfish, destructive, self centered bitch is one, the dutiful daughter, the corporate junkie, I could list on and on.
I wonder, do the lines blur ever? Does the dutiful daughter scream out loud "for fuck's sake" to her family? or does the tom-boy friend ever admit that she likes Notting Hill and has watched it over 15 times already and every single time she watches, she sheds a couple of tears - for relations that are, for relations that were, and for relations that will never be.

I wonder sometimes, why the lines ever dont blur at all - why the calm exterior of "im strong and can take care of life" while the insides churn with so much unsaid pain? Why are the walls so water-tight? Afterall, it IS the same me, isnt it? why is it that "one" person longs to cry out and sob, while the other takes charge of the external world?

Is it a defence mechanism? Is it to "show" that the person is not what she feels? that the dutiful daughter must hold the family's temper, the affectionate friend must not allow the friends to know she is sad lest she ruins their evening, that the tomboy perched on the ledge can never have tears ... I dont know why.

What does the cool dudette achieve by showing off that nothing affects her? What does the dutiful daughter achieve by saying "its okay, nothing's wrong"? What is it that the always childish friend achieves by not saying out loud the pain that she feels? What does the tom boy get, if she cant talk about all that's wrong to her "best-friend"? Whom does she try to decieve? Is the deception intentional? Is it deception at all?
When you play all these roles together, what are you? a puppet? a person? an actor?
----Update----
Is it because; the realisation exists that be it pain, happiness, anger or disgust, all the emotions are but momentary and unnecessary to existence?
Is it because making each identity porus will lead the eventual death of all the identities? Acceptance of the fact that one likes Notting Hill will lead to the eventual death of the tom-boy, wearing emotions on the sleeve will spell the end of the hard nosed corporate employee? It is the love of each identity in itself that strengthens the abyss between them?
Maybe, may not be.
Anyways, doodling doesnt need a reason.
Di- thy tag shall be done.

20 comments:

Phoenix said...

When you play all these roles together, what are you?

** A human being, I guess. And a remarkable one at that.

catalyst said...

circumstances forces these identities to sometimes take stances in conflict with one another, or alternatively force a dominant, explicit and exclusive assertion of one of them.In the process stifling you.... because you dont want to disturb the harmony of their coexistence, yet arent left with an alternative........ phoenix stands seconded, i believe you must be a remarkable person :)

JustSo said...

@ both - thanks.The question though remains. Its our journey to find the answer is what moi thinks.

Daroga said...

Though we may think that the purpose of the journey is to find the answer, I think that the journey is itself the answer, for there can't be a 'The answer'.

Anurag said...

so many thoughts....u seem to be a sea of emotions right now...

i am not gonna give ne intellectual gyan....
just wanna say...take care...n hope u tide over this sea of emotions...n be happy again....
n can happily be all the people u mentioned...n also the one person is who all the people....at the same time

adios

JustSo said...

@ daroga ... we settle for journey being the answer, because we know not what lays in store after the journey. Sometimes, I feel that its all a big facade, you know ... what's a journey well spent? what's a life squandered away? everything ultimately ends in death. well, too much fundae I guess.

@anurag - as I always say - "tum mujhe pahle kyon nahin mile" :P *hugs* thanks.

Nav/ Pavitra said...

as I said the other day, Spirituality must be for the SAKE of spirituality. You need to wake up shake up and walk up. Brooding got no one anywhere love.

saphire said...

i guess all of us get out of the mould once in a while...the difference lies in the situation...and wether anyone around notices.. :)

PS: i see u dont like my new name! :((

Siddharth said...

Hiii! Nice post! How are you? How is Guru-Maiyya? :)

Arpz said...

@nav bhaiyya - will call you

@saphire - nothing like that baby, I love your new name, more importantly, I love you ... *hugs*

@siddarth - aap wahi ho who lives in sydney and used to live in Singapore before that and in Blore before that - if yes; OMGGGG!!! itne din kahaan gaayab they yaar? I miss you doode! if not, err... pliss to jog my memory!

Siddharth said...

@Arpz - I am 'that' with whom you and respected Miss Mini(Babaldeep) went to Mysore (some one year back). Went to Chamundi hills, Mysore palace (where we sat on the elephant) and finally to your aunt's place.

It just happened that i stumbled on your blog 2-3 days before. I suppose I am talking to right person Arpana (Got this from your 'The Times'(May 22nd) waala post).

Arpz said...

ohh! yups :) I remember you, how did you ever think I could forget you dude? just that bahut saare siddarth ko jaanti hoon main, and get confused among all of them :D

welcome to my blog buddy; kabhi phir se plan banate hain kahin aur jaane ka and enjoy karne ka :)

Siddharth said...

Mini se baat hui recently? How is she doing?

Arpz said...

Nahin yaar, the last time I spoke to her, she was like - work's hectic but im loving it. bas, us se zyaada kuch nahin... aap batao, kya haal chaal?

Siddharth said...

I was @ my Father's place in Rajasthan for 2 months. I was sick. Just came back to Bangalore. Still with Honeywell. Planning to make a change. How is life going? Everything fine?

Arpz said...

Oh! hope you are okay now, take care pal ... khud ka dhyaan nahin rakhoge to kiska rakhoge :) if you get a good position, mujhe bhi batao - I'm ready to work under/with you :D life is cool... nothing much's happening. bas lots and lots of work ...

Siddharth Ghule said...

Cool. :)
Sure, I will let you know. My email ID is siddharthghule@gmail.com

saphire said...

how chweet of u to say that! :))) u had me grinnin like a cheshire cat! :D

Ulagalandha Perumal Dharanipathy said...

When it comes to primary feelings of the mind, the mind tries to protect its existence by all means. Say, in a situation, there are two options, one is more painful than the other, the mind immediately wants to save its ass, so it jumps to the least painful option and then identifies that character to be the best one. It never thinks of the consequences of the decision or about people who are involved. All it does is to have its own self face lesser pain. At that moment, it finds it to be the best identity it has.

But, i am vehemently against such pitiful and weak convictionless decisions. If every body is convicted to principles, this world will have more harmony and more truth in it.. :)

faust said...

very rightly described!