Monday, August 29

new post

loads of stuff happening.

as i sip the coffee from the vending machine at office, i am hit by the knowledge (for the umpteenth time) that I hate coffee. I only hate "preparing" dip tea more, and hence the bitter liquid courses down my throat, helping me keep my eye lids open for just a little more time.

Research lands me on a blog, and I'm tempted to open mine to jot down a few words. In a feeble attempt to reassure myself of the readers of this blog, I check the invisible stat counter embed link. My pipe dreams of having readers gets flushed down the drain. However, there is hope, people randomly land at my page searching for phrases such as "vividh bharati" and "keepsakes", one funny phrase which sends the coffee hurtling at the keyboard via my nostrils is "naked mom".
Mom - that I am. Naked, well, not right now. I am at office you see.

There is a trigger that gets activated ...

like that whiff of that familiar cologne that dad used to wear, and all of a sudden you are that 5 year old again, hugging your dad and taking in the smells of his aftershave and sweat.

like that unexpected short-cut that leads you into a lane that looks "exactly" like the one you used to play with other urchins your age ... and that sense of anticipation and anxiety builds up ... if the "it" hasn't caught you at your hiding place for what seems like an eternity.

only, more unpleasant.

This word triggers an event that happened in the foggy past. I can hear two women asking me what it would "cost" to keep off their darling son/brother. I can hear one man standing by and allowing his sister to talk her mouth off about a girl's character she knew nothing of.

And it is unpleasant. More bitter than the bitter coffee that is now not just in my esophagus, but also in my nasal cavities.

Not that I am a vindictive person. Having done everything to bury the past in a place it won't resurface, this trigger acted like Brendan Fraser and his co-star in the Mummy

Moving on though, bitterness aside.

Have hurt back badly. very very badly. many many problems. many doctors. had some gynecological issues, the first specialist I saw did not even tell me what the problem was, and how bad it was. Instead, I was told it was insignificant, and was asked to wait a month to get it corrected.
The person who bears the pain knows the extent of it. So, a second opinion.

This time, a cousin.
More sympathetic, more tests, more pain.

Finally, gynec problems, eliminated.

Problem of the back - still persistent.

No clue on what is wrong. Hormone Tests, Orthopedic tests, neurological tests, scans and X-rays - everything is back normal. I'm a healthy overweight female.

Why cant I move a muscle then?

Why does the back hurt badly? Blame it on my weight. Blame it on me. You are the reason for your pain. Very philosophical indeed. Very very enlightening. Does Zilch for the pain though.

Ayurveda. Allopathy. Homeopathy, even the pathy spraying relispray did not help.

Grandaunt. A treasure trove of "evil eye" warding chants and has fingers like the great Dhanvantri himself. "it is a sprain" speaketh the grand aunt. and her fingers work magic. muscles once un-movable, now groan and grunt and fall in place.

Pain is bearable. no more moans and sighs at every movement. Bless the grand aunt.

Spent weekend traveling to the very picturesque and scenic Shivmogga and beyond to hulikal. truly one of those places that deserve to be called heaven on earth.
Unfortunately, the pathway to heaven is filled with bad roads and potholes that did nothing for the already bad backache.

totally tired and listless, and bitter by the triggered memory of a word, much blogging has been done, hoping to infuse some enthusiasm.


Kanupriya said...

take care, Arpz! don't let that backache grow worse.
hope the blogging made the unpleasantness go away.

also plugging for my new blog on Gulzar:
do visit :D

JustSo said...

Hey Kanu, yeah, the unpleasantness went away once the grievance was aired.