Wednesday, April 11

Marriagey-Rant

Long time, since anything has been written on this blog. So, we decided it is time for a rant. Yes. Yet again.

Was reading through IHM's blog posts. Came across this post of hers.
She says marriages are "sold" in a "glossy cover" to women, and I could not but disagree. Vehemently disagree.

Marriages arent "sold" to Indian women. Marriages are FORCED upon Indian women. Whether the woman is happy or not post marriage, whether she thinks her life took a turn for the better or not, is a completely different issue.

The statement that if you are a woman, you MUST get married is what irks me the most.

I don't really care for jewelry or sex. Both are over-rated. I have always hated kids, and now, after being a mother of one and having had 2 miscarriages, I still hate kids. I tolerate mine, for the only reason that she is my daughter. I hated my brother when he was a kid.

I am not your perfect candidate for marriage. Yet, here I am, married for the last 3 years. There are times when I think of maybe 30-40 more years of marriage, and all I can do is sigh. It is going to be an effing nightmare.
And, no. My husband isnt your typical MCP (though, he does get MCPish at times), he is a loving caring individual and a even more loving and caring father. Yet, I think of my alternate universe, where I am single, and am free to pursue the career I want, in the city I want to live in, can sleep on any side of the bed, and set the AC at whatever freezing temperature I want to, bathe as long as I want to, and not have to cook everyday. Not have to be a wife everyday, and sigh at the life I have in my present universe.

My mom and grandmom gasp when I say this to them. "How long will an empty house hold allure?" they ask. Maybe it did not, for them. Maybe it does for me. Maybe it does for millions like me. Has anyone given a thought to that?

Every stereotype, every activity that the female child gets involved in, every choice that is made for her, or she is asked to make, leads upto only ONE thing. Marriage.

The girl must earn. Enough to attract suitors, but not as much as to narrow down the universe of suitors who would earn more than her.

The job that the girl holds must have "reasonable" timings - she should be home in time to be able to make coffee for her husband when he comes back from work.

The girl must learn to tolerate - afterall, she has to tolerate the biggest pain of all - labour - doesnt she?

The girl must be educated - she has to teach her husbands SONs tomorrow, but she should keep her mouth shut - because "when elders (read husband and in-laws) say anything, she should know better than to speak"

Damn her independence. Damn her likes and dislikes, Damn her tastes, Damn the way she wants to live in her house. She should learn to adjust. Afterall, isnt it for a "happy married life" that she is adjusting?

IHM says marriage is Sold to women. That statement makes it seem like women have a choice whether to take it or leave it. I think women are sold to marriage.  The only choice they have, is hobsons choice.

10 comments:

Phoenix said...

Bloody violent. Your husband must be so scared of you :P

JustSo said...

well, if only.

and yeah, just because some of us have it easy, doesnt make it right - does it?

The Parade of Donkeys said...

I admire your honesty, JustSo! Came here from IHM's blog and I am glad I did. I have to say I identify with at least some of what you say (though I am not married).

Indian Home Maker said...

I have heard this from other women, and I have seen such statements are not taken seriously - for some reason women's opinions (or most young people's opinions) are not taken seriously, it is assumed that others - somehow - know better.

//Yet, I think of my alternate universe, where I am single, and am free to pursue the career I want, in the city I want to live in, can sleep on any side of the bed, and set the AC at whatever freezing temperature I want to, bathe as long as I want to, and not have to cook everyday. Not have to be a wife everyday, and sigh at the life I have in my present universe.//

JustSo said...

@ TPD - thanks! :)

JustSo said...

@IHM - couldnt agree more. @ 22 I was the sole bread earner in my family, and several years later, I am still consulted on every decision taken at home - my opinions are looked up at - most kids are told to be like "JustSo didi" yet - when it came to the single most important decision of how I would like to spend the remainder of my life - I was called immature and a "kid"; I "knew nothing" about the world and what they (read the elders) told me was some kind of a writing on the stone which could not be disregarded!

Phoenix said...

You make me want to not marry. Another dude walks up and says bachelorhood is overrated.
I think life itself is overrated

JustSo said...

the grass is always greener on the other side, and everything is overrated. The moral, is to get into a relationship, because you want it. not because you need to, or you ought to, or you should have. you should also reserve the rights to walk away, and hold the strength to let go. live life on your own terms.

Nasia said...

First of all, missed your writing so much! Then for the newly married woman that I am, I have so much to say about this topic. 85% of its true. and cooking everyday is a nightmare. Though no one seems to understand it.
However, having lead the "single" life you speak about here, for much longer than I thought about, i believe, marriage comes with a lot of perks. A LOT! And i have been single for LONG enough to realise it. Its such a welcome change for me.
And if you have a cook, you dont have to cook everyday either ;-)

Anonymous said...

"the grass is always greener on the other side, and everything is overrated. The moral, is to get into a relationship, because you want it. not because you need to, or you ought to, or you should have. you should also reserve the rights to walk away, and hold the strength to let go. live life on your own terms. "

I couldn't agree more!! (But now I have to prove I'm not a robot... so)