Wednesday, May 9

Television Rants

So, my definition of "craziness" involves watching hindi serials - ones that encourage gaudy makeup, hilarious dialogues and houses that look like they are renovated "shaadi ke mantap"

So, I took a break from all the Dexters and Morgans on Starworld and moved to watching punar vivah on Zee TV. While I shall watch endless re-runs of Scrubs and The Big Bang Theory and laugh at their piss poor jokes (JD dreams of a chocolate Turk, and Sheldon calls Sex coitus - ha ha. very funny. ha ha. yeah right!) there are only so many episodes of a Hindi serial I can tolerate. (BTW Im a closet chuck lorre vanity card admirer. I use the freeze button in my remote just so that I can read his sarcastic, and at times insightful vanity cards ... but I digress)

Punar Vivah it is...

There are just so many things wrong with what is being aired on TV - while being touted as a progressive sitcom


1. Remarriage is only an option because kids want both parents in their lives.

2. Remarriage is okay for a widow, but not a divorcee, hence, if you are the in-laws of a divorcee DIL, keep it secret and get her married.

3. Women should remarry, because they cant win all the games that the school conducts on its annual day. Women wear a dupatta that just makes it impossible to win; men on the other hand, with their trousers and moustaches, win random games in a breeze.

4. Men should remarry because their children are late to school everyday. Any other reason to get married again would be blasphemy.

Dos and Donts of remarriage

1. DO keep all the random cliqued snaps that you and your dead wife took just about everywhere, actually, that isnt enough - blow them up life size and put them up just as a political party would adorn its office with images of Gandhi and Nehru

2. DO keep all your dead wife's clothes etc, and keep looking at them once a day. You must remind yourself not to have sex with your new wife. What better way to do so, than to jerk off using your dead wife's clothes?

3. DO NOT hold any communication, either before or after marriage, but let your family (read parents) do the talking. Allow the new member of the family to be implicitly insulted - and you act like you aren't even present.

4. If you are the female - DO NOT communicate with your husband, instead - make your son your "surrogate husband" and smother him with your love.

5. DO get married at the first drop of tears that your son sheds. After all, you don't have a mustache, you are but a woman who cannot win your son's affection.

6. If you are the MIL - worry that your DIL is going to "take away" your son from you, and implicitly insult her when possible.

7. Last but not the least and the most important of all - walk around like a Christmas tree with heavily embroidered sarees and outlandish jewelry; wear gaudy makeup to bed, and leave your hair fluttering in the air, even when you are cooking out-of-this-world dishes.

Once you have all these down pat - you are ready to re-marry. (ensure that your spouse is dead though - you cannot practice polygamy or polyandry - it is still against the law)

2 comments:

Kanupriya said...

Oh my God! Why would you torture yourself so?

Nasia said...

lol!!!! too good.