Monday, April 17

When someone ceases to exist


Will be orkutting less regularly, but then, will be available on Gmail and YM, par kabhi agar main online hoon aur aapke ping ko reply nahin kiya to bura mat man na , it wld be just that ki main shaayad sirf dad se baat karne ke mood main hoon tabhi. Ditto for mails, aap sab ke support ko main "thanks" kah ke insult nahin karna chahti, so if u send me a mail and i dont know what to say or write, chances are i'll reply saying the same ki i dont know what to reply, par agar kabhi reply nahin kiya to pls bura mat man na , i know ki its these emotionally charged times when relations are the most strained, but main tum logon se kisiko bhi khona nahin chahti.bas i need some time, be with me , bear with me until then, its like Ive changed a lot in these few days and Im somehow repelled by the "old me "that is reflected in Orkut/Blog. Somehow I cannot think of writing back a PJ or laugh at a silly oneliner anymore, everything seems so meaningless now, coupled with the fact that I cannot be myself even now, for now i have to don the role of a mother, father and husband of MY family; the other two are emotionally, financially and physically incapable of anything. Im in between bouts of depression, frustration, anger, self pity, regret and responsibility , and hence if Ive hurt anyone in the past 15 days, or if in future hurt anyone of u , it is unknowingly, I do not mean to hurt you guys, u guys are really very very important to me. Im not deleting my orkut account or unjoining the comm, or deleting this blog or other such thing, for though a huge pessimist i might be, i wish to be the way I was once, someday. But until that someday, just let me be.

1 comment:

Shekhar said...

I pray to God that you find the strength to overcome the difficult times.