Going Bald

Okay, time to spill the beans.
Ive not been myself lately. No I havent been Pratibha Patil as well.. I have no ambition of becoming the most glorified rubber stamp of the country.
What do you think would her husband be called if she became the prez? The First Man? ( that sounds so corny if you think about it - err... that is if you think as perverted as me ... The First Man to do what? put it in? Okay, let me stop at that, before some Anons accuse me of doing it with the Yet to Might be Prez's First Man as well.

Okay, enough digression. The main aim of this post has been to say that I have been two different people altogether ( yes, when you are as Fat as me, and as spiritually advanced, I just passed fifth grade of spiritual school you can be more than one person- the sheer width of the body shall allow for it.)
I met a virtual friend in real life yesterday - for the non initiated, it means I had shared everything including my non existent love life to the size of my panty hose to an entity in another part of the country sitting at my computer just because it seemed cool to do so. Yesterday I found out that the entity is really a woman as her orkut profile describes her.
You couldnt find a more happy and chirpy girl ( yes, not always do I make fun of myself, I lie sometimes too ... that makes me happy - girl - yes it does).
Yet when the minute I left her place, (the lucky girl was staying at the cricket stadium - not she wasnt sleeping on the pitch and giving Ravi Shastri nightmares , she was staying at the guest house that the KSCA has.) I was again the foul mouthed, foul mood"ed" ( dont I have a good dictionary?) medusa again.
So Yes I am frustrated, I am ignoring calls and I am packing bags to Pluto - the latest holiday brochure read that there is a discount for people who use the F word too often. Im bored of Antartica already.

So why am I frustu ( I told ya - I have a great dictionary)

#1 Orkut. Need I say more?
No it is not " I want to do fraandship" requests or " you tarzan, me jane " statements.
If you've seen my profile, you will see that people who havent studied in the Antartica Non Existent Penguins South Pole Academy cannot really understand the language there. So No Fraandship requests and no shall we sleep around for $2 proposals.
It actually is the lack of interest in me. No one Loves me :(
My lovely la cousin Wanjoo (She is a hybrid breed of Korean-Indian and Taiwanese - hence the name- okay no. Thats not true. I dont want to be on air posthumously-because incidentally Wanjoo is also in the news business - though the last I heard, she was seen dining with Mr Laden- it pays to be safe you see; so Wanjoo is not actually wanjoo, I mean she is wanjoo , but she is not named wanjoo, she is just nick named Wanjoo) has a community
dedicated entirely to her.
Our dear friend Bulshee has a community dedicated to him.
I visited a random blog where the owner had boasted about the community that was begun to "commemorate" her blogging skills.
And I dont have a single hit on my profile page - except for a supposedly married female who claims to be my senior at college and writes horrendously long scraps in indecipherable Telugu Wow! That does wonders for my self esteem.

#2 Weekend.
A weekend evokes the feeling of laziness and sleep. I spend the weekend driving in Bangalore ( on roads which are as smooth as a frog's back side and as free as that price tag you saw on that BMW). Ive driven a total of 130 kilometers on my two wheeler and my behind feels as raw as your cheek would if you tried to shave it sand paper*and looks as red as Julia Robert's lipsticked lips ( yeah - I checked out my own ass - gross aint I?)

#3 My nose
My nose after an unfortunate accident looks like God ran out of stock of noses and stuck a brinjal up there. The whatever the nose is made of, begins aching the minute I catch a cold.

#4 IIM Bangalore
A company funded course in the IIM to me meant oogling at second year MBA students, drooling at the Cute Profs ( those who think is cute - yes he is , those who think he looks like a nerd - who asked your opinion? and , I like guys who are nerdy :P ) and eating the free lunch as though you are from Somalia. Sadly, the prof just revealed that there is no such thing called free lunches. So, Yours Truly has exams beginning July7th.
(digression - July 3rd is yours truly's birthday- Kindly forget it. The author does not want to be reminded of the fact that her name is topping the list of "ancient heritage structures of the country")


#5 Kith and Kin
Nothing like a friend who ignores you to make you fall in love with the world at large.
Nothing like family who reminds you that the "Computer" has become more important than us "poor -malnourished-underfed-South Korean immigrants".
No one like mom to make you feel like you are the worst scum of the earth - strategy should be taught by moms - Those two calculated tears that roll down the cheek - your father left me in the middle - and now, your office, computer, IIM, nose, stomach,body-ache is more important than his PF. *sniff - sob- sniffle*. You refuse to get married - Your aunt was showing off the new car that her son-in-law gifted her- Why dont you marry? I have always wanted a Mercedes E Class - * plop-plop* (thats the sound of tears falling on the floor u dumbo)
Nothing like relatives to add fuel to fire.

And, if you are still wondering about the title - Go Figure.

The silver lining - ( I did not pay the Rs23 as the surcharge in taxes last year and bought myself a silver lining. Now a days I use it whenever the dress splits due to the added load of fat on the body) of the week is this - This is copyrighted - so dont you dare copy this idea

* - Just to prove that I do listen occasionally as well in addition to the buckets of drool that piles up looking at cute profs - 3M the company originally wanted to manufacture sandpaper to shave. Now, have a good night imagining that. Happy "sand-papery"nightmares ahead.